Skip to main content
Beyond words i can say, or describe my current feelings and emotions.
Feel so overwhelm by everything that i really just wanna break down and cry.
I know this is not the end, yet i just don't know why my heart hurts a lot after hearing what you said.
Many a times, at the start when we started off together, i kept worrying if you love me enough and it was always you that i thought of. Then halfway, i realised that maybe it was my turn to worry about myself if i do love you enough so i keep focusing on myself even until now.
And despite the changes i realised in you lately, i thought maybe you know this is what happens when someone gets into poly and yes, there's definitely bound to be changes. But i would never imagine it would be due to the reason that your feelings for me are fading. 
Hearing those words put a sting in my heart and i can't help myself but tear everytime i replay that scene in my head. Like a bulletshot through me. 
You asked if we could still be close friends even after we break up. I said yes and honestly, i thought i could. But i really have no idea how am i gonna do that if it really happens. 
I just know that for now, i just gotta keep that tiny faith in me.
I know sometimes things are meant to happen, it will happen. Like how if two people are meant to be, they will be together eventually. But i mean feelings are different, feelings need time to nurture and once its lost, it takes time to get it back and i know you have to try to get it back because it doesn't work its way round like fate does. Feelings can either grow stronger or just fade slowly and eventually die.
I just hate that fading part, why?
Can someone tell me why this is happening right now?
Suddenly, it seems so unreal that the things we went through together wasn't exactly the hearts of 2, but 1.
Just when i could really confirm my feelings for you, to know that i really really like you and i love you.
This happened.
So much to take in and my eyes hurt from all the crying.
Whats this?
Whats all this coming to?
i have no idea.
i have no idea how to text you normally now.
i'm no longer your girl that you loved the most and look forward to seeing every week and the happiest to receive my text.
:'(
What to do, God? i really really have no idea. I just know i don't want us to end like this, i want my future to have you. They say God give you the hardest battle to the strongest people, because he know they can handle it.
Am i that strong enough?

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Winter is on my head, but eternal spring is in my heart

Holy grail, can't believe its been more than a year and here I am...decided that it's finally the night that I will pretty much like to update my blog. Yes what a year it has been, wouldn't have expected that my life will be like this a year back. Despite saying this, me is contented. Sitting right here alone in an A/C room hearing to 2NE1 music after a good bath and dinner, spending some me-time (while e hubby go for an impromtu night to JB with his bros). Heh tgif! Loving such Friday night <3  Been learning to appreciate these rare moments of me-time, to make use of it in a way that will make me feel good after. Recently, I thought to myself that 'hey its time to start brushing up the self-growth part of me as well as feeding my own mind and soul' cuz lately that was the part of me that I felt neglected - I guess I do sometimes pin a lot of expectations on myself when it comes to my growth at my work - what do i learn from it (aka professional growth) that I so...

Courage over fear

What a crazy past three weeks it has been - rollarcoaster of emotions for me and I can't believe I survived it T.T From having my dad admitted to hospital in fear of an injury that was discovered to receiving a job opportunity and having to make a career decision in such a short span of time (while i'm on leave) to taking that brave step to inform my boss and ro on my intent to go for the interview to driving without JJ for the first time(s). A whirlpool of emotions, it feels overwhelming to be honest.  And I guess a lot of the emotions were more on the negative side - feeling fearful, anxious of the unknown, terrified maybe. And on the other hand, sense of relief and happiness when my dad was finally discharged because the doctors deem that it wasn't life-threathening and that he just had to attend further body check ups thereafter to receiving the full support and care from my boss and ro. I literally couldn't control my tears falling the moment my boss shared the pie...

Hello October!

A year and six months since the first CB started and look at where we are right now...still feeling pretty surreal that we're still in the midst of battling this pandemic or per say endemic to be?  I guess many of us wouldn't have imagined us to be battling this Covid-19 till today, and I'm just thankful that my loved ones are all safe and healthy <3  It's def been a difficult year for many (mostly in bad way i will say, minus the good part that we do get a decent amount of time to spend at home with your family as most people do wfh since last Apr 2020). But then again, I guess you can say I miss the liveliness of the neighbourhood, I miss the carefree times when we can indeed hang out as a group without worries (now I don't think I can forsee being maskless anytime soon even in the next year but I only wish for the easing of group gatherings because I sincerely miss family/relatives time and opportunities to hang out with your friends!) Covid-19 made me treasur...