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You matter so much to me

Heh i'm feeling much better today. 
(:
teehee its prolly due to God? i guess he helped me managed my overwhelming emotions. These few days, i've been like on a rollarcoaster. Feelings change everyday. 
Now i like what i'm feeling now. Calm and at peace. :D
Its pretty rare to have this mood because lately, i've been thru lots of emotions till i feel so tired. But thankfully, i could handle it. i mean managed it before it blows out of control.


Like how when i met him today, it felt a bit weird at first but it was alright after that.
i loved today's studying date, it was a SUCCESS~! HEHE. ^^
the 3 of us really concentrated amazingly in thomson plaza kopitiam! hahaha it was so noisy and busy and initially i thought it was pretty insane to be able to focus since we've got ourselves a seat somewhere near e middle.! 
Well well with music, it does wonders. ;)
Kept replaying A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton. <3
Its a gorgeous song. hehehe my favvv~~~
Oh yeah and arnd late afternoon, keong keong came to join us hahaha after that all couldn't really concentrate hehehe. :D


Went to Salted Caramel for dessert!
Apparently paid for him again! he this boi boi ah never birng extra money one eh. haiyo eh. At first i was kinda irritated because when i told him to spilt the cost and tell him to pay me back another day, he was like "wa lao eh, that time i treat you so many times and blah blah blah...." EXCUSEMIA. i know you treated me a lot of times, so do i!!!
i mean its kinda unfair if i had to keep paying when you have no money right? i used my savings you knoww?? ;( 
That's one part i don't really like about him. i really wanna tell him but idk why i don't have e courage to do so. Like how i really wanted him to walk me home todayy, but couldn't bring myself to tell him. i wanted some time alone tgt; its been quite some time since we slacked at our usual place& i missed those times.
Now everyweek we only meet once :((((
So little time spent together.
Esp when those times are so fun and when we gotta say goodbye, its saddening. i didn't really wanted to go off so early today but sweelia has dinner today so yup, everyone went home early. 
When he sent me home, i thought to myself if there was a possibility he'll ask me if i wanna go slack awhile before going home. because there's like no school for him tomorrrww. But then, apparently no. 
What he just said was eh if you want me walk me home, i can eh anw now still early. So my heart kinda skipped a beat, i mean i was happy hehe because he was willing to walk me home. But then, you know i would always say "its okay and stuff, don't need send me home" && sometimes, i kinda disliked myself for saying that.
In my heart, i want him to walk me home but yet i said totally opposite words. WHATSTHISMANNN. SICKENING.
;( & he still said okay to it! i mean at least he could like insist on sending me home but yeahhh he didn't. My words caused this. :(
& before he left, he asked me to cheer up before he will hug me which is like DANNGGGG i can't do this. i'm sad and upset and really wanna cry out loud because i misse d you so much and now, we're just gonna say goodbye like this???


i really wanted to spend more time with you, because i'm going through a lot in school and i'm so afraid i can't handle. Wanted to find a time to talk to you but it seems as if we've couldn't find the right time to talk. Why?
You're the one i loved the most, so i wanna turn to you for my problems but you aren't there? 
You're not there when i needed you the most.



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