Things happen when you least expect it.
And well recently been thinking a lot lately, like the things that happened since work began.
Honestly, i wouldn't care much to think about it.
But maybe its time to sit down and think carefully.
I'm like at this stage of dilemma where i'm unsure how things will unfold themselves or in fact how my life is gonna be.
Its like work and life are so complicated at times.
Work wise, its been two months plus and i'm getting a hang of it.
Its definitely much better than when i first started because at least i know what to do and stuff, i feel less afraid but still not that confident to run on my own.
Sometimes i wonder how the confidence in me disappeared when i needed it the most.
And i realised that perhaps i need to start building it back again.
To be confident in who you are and what you do is so important that i guess most of us tend to forget it.
I once told my friends about it and i remember one of them saying "Learn as much as possible, make as many mistakes as you can and then be a confident young woman".
Hearing that really gave me motivation to press on and i know it's not gonna be easy, i'm not gonna take the easy way out in learning but to constantly remind myself to keep learning.
Because when you think you know it all, think again.
Heh and moving on to life, recently been talking a lot with a friend of mine.
And its surprising how we became closer over the past months when we didn't used to interact at all.
Somehow, a part of me is really thankful for this friendship because it ain't easy to get to know someone inside out.
I really enjoyed the interactions and truthfully, the question of liking has been popped up in my head several times.
It's like how you wonder is it the person liking you and thus getting close to you because of that. And then when it goes beyond the line of friends and you're like i thought we were just good buddies. But then hey no, he wants to be more than that and if you can't give that, forget the friendship and stuff. Okay there's so much assumptions and that's bad.
I think for once, i gotta stop assuming.
Stop deceiving myself.
I guess i'm still stuck in my current stigma somehow.
I know myself with those expectations of mine, it would be eternity till i find the right person.
But what if you realised that you don't want to risk another heartbreak anymore?
What if you forgot how to love someone?
What if you forgot what its like to even like someone?
How do you differentiate being lonely and genuinely liking someone? I think that's the hardest question.
And perhaps the truth could be if one is terrified of how relationships could end up, if it ended up in the same way as the previous one, why bother trying?
And i guess the best thing to do when you're feeling lost and confused is:
"Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want. Everything else is secondary.”
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